Biography
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Born
1966 (age 58)
L:Ron:Harald was born in the year of grace 1966 in a workmen’s hut on a desert island just outside of Sønderborg City. His father was an unemployed mechanic, and his mother was a waitress in a dirty cafeteria down by the harbor. L:Ron:Harald’s diet in the early years was mostly Nutella and canned beer, and this excellent feast caused his mighty body to develop very early, and it has been growing and growing ever since.
L:Ron:Harald developed an early taste for the pleasures of the sexual life, when he at the age of five, persuaded his kindergarten-teacher to give him a blowjob. Chocked and fascinated as she were by L:Ron:Harald’s already legendary good-sized breed-trunk, the nipper offered marriage, and were immediately retired from her position.
L:Ron:Harald’s semi-criminal and drunken father, Harald senior, shortly after taught him that there were less problematical sex partners than women out there. Shortly after amazed and unbelieving people passing by could experience L:Ron:Harald in action screwing the sheep Gerda rough, on a field on Kær Halvø. However L:Ron:Harald decided after that experience that he, despite of the often demanding and hypocritical behavior of the opposite sex, he would only screw women in the future.
L:Ron:Harald very quickly became very interested in mechanics, and developed a great understanding for handling various motorized vehicles. His favorite mean of transportation, and big love, is a custom Opel Kadett, with an incredible top speed of 345 km/h (with tailwind). A Puch Maxi is not bad either, and L:Ron:Harald often uses this mighty mopped when his going for bread on Sunday mornings.
L:Ron:Harald has a very bad relationship with the Danish police force, which dates all the way back to the time when he at age 11 committed his first armed robbery at Landmandsbanken in Asserballe. During the robbery L:Ron:Harald shot 14 police officers in cold blood, but the prosecution did not have any evidence because he was wearing a mask. Unfortunately the prosecution wanted to get L:Ron:Harald because he had discovered that L:Ron:Harald had screwed his wife, mother, sister, daughter, three aunts and a tame boar. The prosecutor however dropped all charges when L:Ron:Harald threatened to hand over color images of the sweaty sex séances to Ekstra Bladet. Since then L:Ron:Harald have been pen pal with Palle Sørensen from prison.
L:Ron:Harald uses most of his time beating up sergeant-students, German tourists and people from Copenhagen, that for some reason has strayed onto Als. Besides that he drinks like a pig, screws right and left and drives tractor pulling with the locals. The little time that is left from these activities, L:Ron:Harald spends on writing his rap-songs, that have reached cult-status in the entire western world.
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