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This was my version of the Vipassana chant that I sang in jail.Fiona was arrested for hash possession in 2012 in Texas, and allegedly gave a great vocal performance while spending the night there. I sang it during the night just to calm myself down. When we were all in the waiting room, there was a camera and I was stupidly, defiantly, singing towards the camera. It’s not a good idea to have any sarcasm or personality at all when you’re dealing with cops. Just politeness and, “Okay, sir.” As much as it fucking hurts to do it, that’s the lesson.
I don’t remember exactly the meaning of the chant, but it’s fun to sing, and it means that feelings arise and fall away again, and it’s all impermanent. To be at peace with this concept is to be happy. That’s what that song means, but I would start to just sing it while I was hiking. When I walk, I walk on rhythm, and I have to keep that rhythm going for the whole time that I’m walking. It usually means that I end up singing along, at least in my head. Then when I was walking, I started doing that chant, but then … it just stopped meaning so much to me, and I started to make up my own little chant to tell myself what I believed about my life going forward.
What I really wanted it to be about was, there doesn’t have to be any specific meaning or reward or consequence of the things I’m doing. I do them because I enjoy doing them. I do them for the doing of them, not for the results. I’m going to make music for myself, to get myself through things, and not think about what other people think about it. I don’t want to prove anything anymore. That can happen in the long run, but for now I do things because I want to do them, because I like to do them. I don’t do them for any other reason.
There’s no past, there’s no present. It’s not like, “Oh, stay in the present” — it’s just basically, “I’m going to do what I’m going to do, and I’m going to have fun, and I’m going to decide when I’m going to stop doing it, and I’m going to decide when I start doing it.” I’m just going to move to move, it doesn’t matter what it looks like, it doesn’t matter what you think it looks like, it doesn’t matter what you think it means or what I think it means. It’s just happening; it just is. And that’s all right.
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