Lyrics
Welcome, Monsieur, sit yourself down
And meet the best innkeeper in town
As for the rest, all of them crooks
Rooking the guests and cooking the books
Seldom do you see
Honest men like me
A gent of good intent
Who's content to be
Master of the house, doling out the charm
Ready with an handshake and an open palm
Tells a saucy tale, makes a little stir
Customers appreciate a bon-viveur
Glad to do me friends a favour
Doesn't cost me to be nice
But nothing gets you nothing
Everything has got a little price
Master of the house, keeper of the zoo
Ready to relieve 'em of a sou or two
Watering the wine, making up the weight
Pickin' up their knick-knacks when they can't see straight
Everybody loves a landlord
Everybody's bosom friend
I do whatever pleases
Jesus! Don't I bleed 'em in the end!
Master of the house, quick to catch yer eye
Never was a passer-by to pass him by
Servant to the poor, butler to the great
Comforter, philosopher, and lifelong mate
Everybody's boon companion
Everybody's chaperone
But lock up your valises
Jesus! Won't I skin you to the bone
Enter Monsieur, lay down your load
Unlace your boots and rest from the road
This weighs a ton, travel's a curse
But here we strive to lighten your purse
Here the goose is cooked
Here the fat is fried
And nothing's overlooked
'Til I'm satisfied
Food beyond compare, food beyond belief
Mix it in a mincer and pretend it's beef
Kidney of a horse, liver of a cat
Filling up the sausages with this and that
Residents are more than welcome
Bridal suite is occupied
Reasonable charges
Plus some little extras on the side
Charge 'em for the lice, extra for the mice
Two percent for looking in the mirror twice
Here a little slice, there a little cut
Three percent for sleeping with the window shut
When it comes to fixing prices
There are lots of tricks 'e knows
How it all increases, all 'em bits and pieces
Jesus! It's amazing how it grows!
Master of the house, quick to catch yer eye
Never was a passer-by to pass him by
Servant to the poor, butler to the great
Comforter, philosopher, and lifelong mate
Everybody's boon companion
Gives 'em everything he's got
Dirty bunch of geezers
Jesus! What a sorry little lot!
I used to dream that I would meet a prince
But God Almighty, have you seen what's happened since?
Master of the house, isn't worth my spit
Comforter, philosopher and lifelong shit!
Cunning little brain, regular Voltaire
Thinks he's quite a lover, but there's not much there
What a cruel trick of nature, landed me with such a louse
God knows how I've lasted living with this bastard in the house!
Master of the house
Master and a half
Comforter, philosopher
Don't make me laugh!
Servant to the poor, butler to the great
Hypocrite and toady and inebriate
Everybody bless the landlord
Everybody bless his spouse
Everybody raise a glass
Raise it up the master's ass
Everybody raise a glass to the master of the house
