Lyrics
Epic Rap Battles of History
Henry Ford versus Karl Marx!
Begin!
Mr. Motor City meets the menace in red
My lines are a production, your lines are bread
Disassembling timepieces is how I got my start
Now watch me tear your ideology apart
You scream, unite the workers, free the class slaves!
Lose your chains, trade 'em in for mass graves
Mao and Stalin, wow! Appalling mounds of body bags
When a world leader likes you, that's a red flag
I produce with my two hands! You're a destitute tramp
Scheming to trade bootstraps in for food stamps
Any Prussian trying to seize my private property
Will catch a torque wrench to his private parts properly
Who takes advice from a broke slob? It's laughable
I wouldn't wipe my tailpipe with your Das Krapital
If you'd saved a penny for each daughter you named Jenny
You might not have needed to bury quite so many
Who's that proud Young Hegelian heavy-drinkin' card carryin'
Future thinkin' Lincoln letter inkin' proletarian?
It's Karl Marx, prepare to be rhyme-stomped
I'm droppin' you like Hitler dropped your name in Mein Kampf
My concepts didn't cause mass graves, greed did
You'd get that from books, but you didn't read shit
Your self-made man story's dung from a Taurus
Your daddy's two hands gave you a free farm and a forest
You were the first of six kids 'til the seventh killed your mother
Maybe that's why you spied on your workers like Big Brother
Your Model T total lack of style is killing me
We can't take shit from you according to ability
Do what your first car can't and backup
Beating me is like your city in Brazil, nuts!
Whew, don't step that close without some beard shampoo, son
You lived in Cologne, look like you could've used some
I drip with style like a dipstick drips oil
You look as sick as your chronic dick boils
I'm mass-producing abuse on a utopian hobo
I'm throwing you for loops like the F in my logo
I gave men work, you brought nothing but harm
Take your bourgeois pig shit back to Animal Farm
Yeesh, your factory conditions were bleak
Crammed with machines, cranking out four severed fingers a week
You controlled what employees could think, drink and eat
And when they marched for better wages, shot them dead in the streets
In truth, what you produced was alienated working men
Who would clock into Detroit and lose themselves like Eminem
And now your Great Lakes State ain't exactly a great sight
You were worse for Michigan than Flint's water pipes
Uh, your gripes about oppression don't leave me impressed
You're not hot, Karl, that's just shit on your chest
For a man who's stateless, you got an awful lot to say
I'll pay you five dollars a day to go away
Your buddy Engels bankrolled you with his textile mills
I guess the Capitalists are cool when they're paying your bills
You're a hypocrite, a nitwitted schlub with substance issues
Step off your soapbox, take the soap with you
Look, dummy, sharing money is the communist vision
Engels' bank was the crank that got the revolution spinning
We gave everything to see the common people advance
I'm so down with the cause, I even pawned my own pants
You grew so out of touch, you sabotaged your only kid
Edsel's stomach cancer showed more love than you did
So congrats, your legacy's in ashes
Remembered as the fascist sympathizing
Cause of climate change and car crashes
From your newspaper to your Nazi factory across the pond
Frankly, Hank, it's clear Auschwitz side you were on
This battle's been a blowout like that hemorrhage in your head
I'll leave a Ford as expected, found on road dead
Who won? Who's next? You decide!
Oh, Epic (rap, rap) Rap Battles (battles) of History!
