Lyrics
Greetings
My name's yours
What's Alaska?
Everybody, welcome to the show
The rules of engagement are really quite simple
So if you can pull yourself away from Grindr for two seconds
Listen up:
The use of flash photography is strictly mandatory
Do you think I look like this just so
I can exist in your feeble memory? Ha
Take a picture and I'll last forever
Get your drinks now, people
The more you drink, the prettier we look
Is this your boyfriend, honey?
Not anymore
Tipping is compulsory
If you don't know what compulsory means, I'll spell it out for you:
Tip. These. Men.
It takes a lot of money to look this cheap, Darling
Be kind to your entertainers
If you see a flaw, squint
If you see a bulge, don't be mad
Some of the most beautiful women in the world have gigantic penises
If you see something you don't like
Something unseemly or offensive
Something vile or disgusting
We'll be happy to take your complaints after the show
At the corner of Fuck You and Go Fuck Yourself Avenue.com
I'll see you there, bring a sweater
If you think you can do better sweetheart, I implore you
Put on a wig and mash your mouth around
To other people's music for four and a half minutes
It's not as easy as it looks!
Do you need a hair piece?
Here, you can borrow mine
Show generosity to these monstrosities
Respect, kindness, compassion
And most of all, whenever possible
Tell us we look gorgeous
Tell us we look gorgeous
Tell me I look gorgeous
Do I look gorgeous? (Yeah)
Ok, but, how about sexy? (Yeah)
Ok, alright, but how about sensual? (Yeah)
Alright, but how about breathtaking? Geez (Yeah)
I swear, it's like pulling teeth to get
a little tiny compliment outa you people
Now, let's review, everybody:
Your makeup is terrible
If you're not wearing nails, you're not doing drag
Don't ever touch my hair
Anus, I love your pussy
Give me all your money, absolutely
C'mon nature, c'mon natch, c'mon buildup, oh
Hieeee
Hieeee
What, what, what, what
What, what, what, what
Hieeee
Everybody everywhere, everybody everywhere
Hieeee
Hieeee, hieeee
Hi-hi-hi-hi-hi
